Q & A     

Cliques:

As children learn about having friends and being friends in elementary school, cliques tend to form. Cliques have always been prominent in middle school, but now they are seen in grades as young as first grade. Girls especially, concern themselves with who is in and who is out of the “popular” group. Cliques tend to develop in 3^rd and 4^th grade and are usually at there worst between 6^th and 8^th grade. Cliques are groups of people who exclude others.  Cliques exist everywhere- in schools, at work, with children and adults. Cliques are groups of friends, but not all groups of friends are cliques. The thing that makes a group a clique is that they leave some kids out on purpose. Usually one or more kids control who gets to be in the clique and who gets left out. Kids may act much differently then they did before they were a part of the clique.

What can Parents do:

As kids navigate friendships and cliques, there’s plenty parents can do to offer support.

• Talk about your own experiences- Share you own experiences of school-cliques have been around for a long time!
•  Help put rejection in perspective- Remind your child of times he or she has been angry with parents, friends, siblings and how quickly things can change.
• Keep social circles open and diverse- Encourage kids to be friends with people they like and enjoy from different settings, backgrounds, ages and interests.
• Speak out and stand up- If they’re feeling worried or pressured by what’s happening in cliques, encourage your kids to stand up for themselves or others who are being cast out or bullied. Remind kids that a true friend respects their opinions, interests and choices, no matter how different they are. A true friend is someone they can confide in, laugh with, and trust.
• Foster out of school friendships- Get kids involved in extracurricular activities ( if they aren’t already) art class, martial arts, horse riding, dance-any activity that gives them the opportunity to create another social group and learn new skills.
• Be a good role model- Avoid cliques in your own social environment. Gossip and putdowns are just as harmful when you’re an adult, and children learn what is acceptable by observing how you handle social relationships.

Advice for Kids:

• Find Friends- If you find yourself left out of a certain group, focus on other friends. Hang out with kids who aren't a part of a clique. Sometimes it means being open to kids who look or act differently than you do.

• Speak Up- It's okay to say you want to invite others to hang out with you. Be prepared for the fact that the clique might go on without you. On the other hand, others might follow your lead and stop acting so clique-y.

• Invite a Friend- If you're on the outside of a clique and you want to be friends with someone who's in it, invite that person to do something with you. By spending time together he/she might start realizing how silly it is not to hang out more often.

• Don't Take it Out on Yourself- If some kids are mean to you because they think you don't fit in, don't let them make decisions about the kind of kid you are going to be.

• Look for Friends Everywhere- The most popular and well liked kids are the ones who are friendly to everyone. Do your best to let everyone feel welcome to talk to you.

Information obtained from: www.kidshealth.org, www.scholastic.com

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